Running away didn’t work.

I used to hold myself together with white knuckles while I assembled ‘proof’ that I was okay. I got a good job and a nice apartment. Behind the scenes, I shook with anxiety, deep loneliness, and the physical maladies that come with chronic stress. I drank - kind of a lot. I thought distraction and accomplishment could fix me.

After suffering panic attacks on multiple continents, I finally had to admit that running from feelings wouldn’t make them go away.

In increasingly frequent moments of pure exhaustion, I began to feel completely alone. I threw everything I had at it: meditation, medication, diet, mantras, exercise, aromatherapy, reiki, deep breathing. They were bandaids on a bullet wound. I wouldn’t sit still and face my fears because feelings felt like weakness.

Relief came through confrontation.

It took decades of repeated exposure, running into brick walls of my own making to finally accept that I couldn’t think or fix my way out. When I finally let myself experience the emotions I stifled - let myself cry, wail, scream, and come unraveled - I discovered that my feelings were not a symptom, but a portal to presence. 

Sensitivity emerged as a guidepost toward the connection I craved.

Let’s prove that powerful healing happens when we let down our walls and allow ourselves to connect, reflect, and feel.

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Whitney
I help overstimulated readers unplug, explore, and maybe cry a little through no-holds-barred creative nonfiction.